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A poem about falling for a close friend, written in November 2022

Blended like berries and a spilled smoothie on the bed

Messy but always leaves me feeling full

The sun’s hiding in Oregon but with you around, summer lasts longer

Sliding my finger right on saturation, right on exposure

With a bit of blur as the times we have had begin to resemble memories

The sun has to go down eventually, and the world has to get dark

And when it does, my mind reverts to my years of ballet and pirouettes around the house

Leave things like they are, this kind of friendship isn’t guaranteed 

Keep your past demons to yourself and don’t lose this

This that has never been clearly defined

Is anything clearly defined?

Telling myself there’s no need to be philosophical or overthink

But poetry is pockets of philosophy and brief snippets of worried, bloody brains

I have never been scared of snakes or spiders, nor very scared of dying

I have never been one to enjoy falling, though

I take every precaution because I know 

That crawling out of a hole you’ve dug is so much harder than digging

I’ve got to stop digging

I’ve scared people by being too forward with my love and I’ve lost them by not being forward enough

If there’s a healthy balance it’s never been taught to me 

In this pocket of philosophy I’d just like to tell you

If I could, I’d love you boundlessly 

But there’s boundaries within friendship and there are words unspoken, there’s things I’m afraid of and things I would not risk

But if falling for you is a risk, it’s already habit, involuntary 

Growing angrier with myself gradually

Cleaning berry stains off the bed and biting my nails 

A friend I love immensely, a love that grows exponentially

Permanence in being one phone call away, in being someone to confide in

In being a friend

This won’t ruin it

We wouldn’t ruin it

-B