Top sheet 4/29

This interview means a lot for me. All of them do, but for slightly different reasons. Even though I have only known this individual for nine months, we have been through a lot together, and I am confident that our friendship will last #traumabonding. I love her dearly and know that readers will too!

They don’t use a top sheet, claiming it is unnecessary and wasteful, and saying you can just wash the duvet cover instead. I asked her what she does for that extra layer of warmth (not saying I support top sheets.. Or don’t) and she said she just uses a blanket, because it’s more stylish anyways!

“I like to keep it simple, keep it ergonomic, keep it easy to clean. A top sheet is too many steps, and you have to wash your duvet anyways.”

In the summer, she says she just sleeps on top of her bed anyways, since there isn’t air conditioning in their house back in California. 

She is currently thinking of the word snakes. 

We talked about being excited for the things to come, and she is excited about the classes she’s able to take soon, and excited for the summer, as it provides an opportunity to further explore her passions. They talked about hoping to have a few months full of reading books and writing songs, which I agreed seemed pretty fantastic. When we spoke about her experience with songwriting, she told me she has always wanted to write poems, and had been yearning to write songs for a long time. College happened to provide a perfect environment for that, as there were talented songwriters around her, which made them feel like they could venture into that world as well, a world that turned out to be full of support and wisdom. “All I really needed was some weed, and that got the creative juices flowin.”

Last year, they found themselves writing a lot of love songs and songs about heartbreak, as they had deep feelings for someone, and it didn’t end the way she hoped it would. Recently, she has been writing more about family conflict. It is all about what is the most intense or prominent in her life. Anger is a motivator for songwriting as well, and she has found herself really angry lately. While reflecting on her childhood through writing and pondering, they have realized that it was not what they deserved. This has been a new and interesting source of creative fuel. 

As far as advice for her younger self, she would like to tell herself that the things she was dealing with were extremely abnormal, and it is unfair to compare her situation to other peoples’. They were dealing with very adult things, and it is okay that they weren’t dealing with them in an adult way- she was a child. She is still working on having empathy for herself. She has photos of her younger self on her phone lock screen so that when she has moments where she is really critical or hard on herself, she remembers who she is talking to.

“If my younger self fought through all those things, me as an adult can do anything.”

The way they were raised impacted her in just about every way, and a lot of her life and who she was seemed to be based around her family. For the most part, friendships were very inconsequential for most of their childhood, as even though they were safe and comfortable, they were not very intense or close. All of the closeness happened within their family structure, which was an unstable one.

“I am proud of the person I am, but I’m not necessarily proud of what I had to experience to get there.”

Experiences in their childhood did produce a mostly well-functioning, and she is now trying to go back and nurture that softness she lacked during childhood, as well as finding peace with what was missed out on.  

Climbing with friends has been really good for her mental health, and prior to climbing, she had temporarily forgotten how much joyful movement settles her mind and body. They have also been spending a lot of purposeful time with the people they care about. In college, there have been a lot more opportunities since we live so close to each other. Also, prior to college, they were very detached from spiritual life since there weren’t many opportunities for it around her, other than organized religion. Coming here and being a part of group spiritual practices and meditations has been really beautiful, and even though she would consider herself an atheist, she feels much more of a connection to the universe now, and an appreciation for it, which she is grateful for. 

When I asked if she had any regrets, she laughed and said she regrets pretty much everything she has done, and is very in her head, so regrets not pursuing certain things. They talk about doing a lot of things without thinking whether they are the best thing for her or not. In a weird way, regretting everything also makes her regret nothing, as it is what it is. She is proud of how she has made her life, and proud that she just let things happen when making the transition to college, as for the most part, everything worked out. She has a good group of friends and a life in Portland, traditions of her own, and is doing things that may have felt impossible during high school. This makes them feel a lot more at peace when things aren’t working out, as if a relationship with a certain person doesn’t work out or an experience is not fulfilling, she can always say yes to more and try again. It has also made her more excited for the future, as she knows there is more coming, and used to not have as much hope that anything good was around the corner. They are now confident that their future will be fulfilling and joyous.

“If I have kids or nieces or nephews, I know I’ll be able to tell them really fun stories about my life.”

Something that has been really helpful in different aspects of her life is to not operate with a scarcity mindset. This means that just because something isn’t immediate doesn’t mean there’s not more coming, or that you can’t make it into something more.

“In the most granular sense, if I don’t like something I write, it’s okay, I can always write something else. If I have a weird social interaction, I remind myself that life goes on. There’s more in front of you.”

She is now thinking about Stanley cups due to seeing one at a nearby table, and wondering why these water bottles have such a grip on people. Though she admits that as a tumbler owner, she kind of gets it.