Last week, I talked to a human who I am incredibly grateful for and who I feel like I’ve known for so much longer than 8 months (we actually met over Instagram before the school year started. Sponsored by Instagram). When asked if she used a top sheet, she answered with a resounding yes, saying she didn’t know it was common not to use one until recently. It’s her norm and she’s going to stick to it, even though she admits it can be incredibly inconvenient. However, it would be more inconvenient to change a habit, so the top sheet stays. Also, in a recent boygenius interview, Phoebe Bridgers said that she used a top sheet, and she says that Phoebe doing it is enough of a reason for her.
When asked what word she’s thinking of, she answered squid.
We talked about passions next, and she immediately spoke about her love for art. She loves art classes and hopes to be able to take one next semester. Not having an art class can feel overwhelming because in the case she doesn’t have time to practice creativity outside of class, she is rarely practicing art. But if she is in an art class, there is a space where she must create to succeed, which is encouraging and inspirational. She’s been taking art classes and lessons since third or fourth grade, and took AP art during her senior year, submitting a portfolio with her work. She also took ceramics last semester, which she loved.
However, her passion for art has lasted just about as long as she can remember. “My parents would pick me up from preschool and I’d be covered in paint, there was paint all over my clothes and in my hair,” she says. She wants to be able to get to a point where she can draw something without copying or drawing inspiration from another drawing, and be happy with the final product. Her favorite medium right now is graphite, but she has tried everything from acrylic and oil paints to colored pencils and watercolors. Her art is inspired by the people around her, and she is motivated to keep creating and going as the school year comes to an end, and we won’t sleep in the same bedroom as some of our closest friends anymore.
“I love art because I love to doodle and draw things I think are fun, and paint things. And convey things on paper without words.. Sometimes I feel like I can’t use words, even though I’m an English major. Maybe those words were contradictory? I like to draw.”
We spent some time talking about the differences between living here in Portland and being back home. She feels like a very different person in the two different places she lives, and would conform a lot to expectations back home, which she feels much less of an obligation to do here. She feels herself growing into a person she didn’t feel comfortable being while back home. Being around people she had known for most of her life made her feel like she couldn’t evolve or change much, and a pressure to stay the same person she always had been. Now, when surrounded by new faces and re-introducing herself, she has felt much more freedom to be a more authentic version of herself.
She says she is still thinking of the word squid, because it “rolls off the tongue.” She then thought of a caterpillar, and then a fork.
Her advice for her younger self, specifically during high school, would be to stop putting so much pressure on what people think about you all of the time, in conjunction with where you decide to go to college. During high school, she was worried about going to a school that didn’t have a big name, like a major UC or Ivy. At the time, she wanted to be influenced by her friends’ decisions on where to go to school, but ultimately is really glad she didn’t, and feels like this is the right place for her right now. The prestige or popularity of the school doesn't matter if you don’t enjoy yourself!
She regrets not pursuing music to a greater degree at an earlier age. Her mom encouraged her to take singing lessons for a long time when she was young and she refused, but she wishes she would have been more open to music earlier on, and been involved in it more than a hobby type thing. She was also involved in gymnastics as a kid, and although it was a huge learning experience for her, she wishes she would have explored things outside of it. She does not regret quitting gymnastics, but she misses it in a strange way, as even though knowing that it was a toxic environment, it was also a formative one for her growing up.
Since getting to Portland, she is glad she has taken steps to be true to herself that she may not have while back home. She is also glad that she continued to make time to pursue art. She is learning to care less what other people think, and would advise herself and others to do what you please rather than living for other people. Excessive worry about what other people see in her has impacted her in multiple ways, and she didn’t even really realize how much she cared until moving away from home. It was then that she realized the version of herself which existed back home was one which had been carefully manicured to please other people, by doing things that received a positive reaction from others even if they were not ideal or preferable to others. Doing gymnastics for as long as she could, doing well in school, dressing the way she did- it was all to ensure people were happy with her. Once she left home, she realized that none of that mattered much.
She’s now thinking of the word calc? Our favorite English major!
-B
Great interview! I love her artwork. I think as we grow up we tend to think too much about what others think about us. It’s great to grow & free yourself from obsessing. Enjoy your uniqueness. We’re all one of a kind!
Freedom is such a great feeling. Love that little artist friend of yours 💕