I decided to start a new little series where I talk to friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, celebrities (Maya Hawke let me know when you’re free) about fun stuff, with a focus on passion and what keeps them going. I’m naming this series “Top Sheet” because at the start of every interview, my question stays consistent. Do you use a top sheet? And then a mirage of other questions, which are dependent on answers. It’s more conversational than formal or interview, as I’m really just trying to get to know folks on a deeper level. The articles won’t have names or an image of the person I chat with, but they will have a picture of the person’s bed (another connection to the title of this series). If you would like to be a part of this new little escapade, feel free to email me or message me on Instagram. For the first of many Top Sheet interviews, I chatted with one of my closest friends at school, who I have known and loved since day one.
She laughed at my first question, but then answered with a confident yes, saying that the separation between her body and the comforter is a plus because she doesn’t have to wash the comforter as much. She also claims that the top sheet is an extra layer of warmth and (supposedly) coziness, but I questioned the validity of both of those statements, in part just to give her a hard time. After all, as personal as this question is, there really is no right answer.
I then asked her what she’s passionate about right now, what keeps her going. She started with her “academic answer,” saying that she loved history and has been thinking a lot about the way social justice and social work intertwine with history and capitalism, thinking about intersections that relate to these topics. I asked her to tell me more, and she spoke about history class that day.
“... we talked about the era that mass incarceration started to be a bigger thing, which is something I knew about before from high school and everything but isn’t something really we actively think about.” Now that they are talking about mass incarceration in history though, it has been something she has been carrying with her more consistently, along with the topic of privatization of prisons, and also carries the weight of how disheartening it all is.
To balance this out a bit, she told me that she has found a lot of hope in sweet quotes and messages in the media. One thing we started to talk about is the concept of not owing anyone anything, which was one she said she tried not to apply much to her own life. As much as you have to put yourself first sometimes, not owing anyone anything isn’t a great idea to live by, as “we are all just trying to exist and coexist together and any way we can help people, even in a small way, is a good thing. Not owing anyone anything seems self-interested, in some circumstances at least.”
We talked about journaling, as she told me she really only writes when she’s sad, as an outlet, which is healthy but not as accurate of a depiction of her life as she would like. Reading the journal back now can be sad, as it’s full of the hardest days, which isn’t how she goes through life. She wants to journal more so that reading it back can be a more accurate and diverse reflection on her life.
At this point in the interview, I asked her what she was thinking about. She said a tomato!
We shifted over to the topic of career as we were talking about the expression of passion and drive, and spoke about the importance of having a fulfilling career. She said she wanted to have the ability to not obsess about money and focus more on being personally satisfied with what she focused on doing. Although she doesn’t think law would be fulfilling, she is definitely passionate about justice within the prison system, and transformative abolition. She spoke on how 3-5% of people indicted on drug offenses actually go to trial, and the rest take plea bargains, meaning they plead guilty and have to serve a shorter sentence regardless of their innocence, which is ultimately due to a shortage in public defenders and social work.
There was a sudden topic change here. I’m still learning how to make these conversations flow a bit more, so this first one is going to be kind of choppy. I asked her if she had any advice for her younger self, and she talked about being self conscious while growing up, and the idea of an “imaginary audience” in adolescence, when you feel like many people are listening to you or watching you. She said she would have someone remind her that nobody is paying much attention, but said her younger self probably wouldn’t have listened, although it still would have been nice to hear.
She talked about aging as something to be embraced as well, wanting to be able to appreciate physical changes in your body. There’s an idea that we have to reject or remedy any signs of age, but she would like to do the opposite, and combat the idea that women are seen as less attractive or worthy as they age, which is a topic that has been coming up in recent gender discourse, even in my course at school.
I asked a couple of my (selfishly) favorite questions next. The first was if she had any regrets. “Oh yeah,” she responded. “I’m a thinker, not a do-er.” I asked her to tell me more, and she said thinking tends to inhibit her ability to really do things. I felt this so deeply as she spoke about it, and I’m sure a lot of people would be able to. She spoke eloquently about not living as much as she would like to, and feels like even though COVID inhibited our generation to some extent, and we are only nineteen, she wanted more things to tell, to reflect on, experiences to draw from. She regrets not telling people from her past how she felt about them, which she mentioned is probably the most common regret among strangers. But since the moment has passed, she sees no point in confessing overdue regrets to the people they were meant for. She mentions being really cautious physically when younger, and has grown to be more mentally cautious, which makes it more difficult to approach new people, though she knows she has made progress in this area since moving. She hopes to one day make peace with her regrets, and let them go.
Last question. What was she glad for, proud of herself for doing? She started by disclaiming that the first thing she thought of would be cheesy, but she mentioned being glad she came to Portland and ended up here, because everything seemed to fall into place once she did. Her parents were moving to the west coast over the summer, and her decision to attend school here was more due to convenience than anything. For the most part though, everything worked out. She’s also grateful for her close relationship with her dad. She talks about how she has always been close with her dad, but is used to only opening up to him about the more positive things. In the past year, she has been more open with him about the harder aspects of life rather than just the good things and expressed how grateful she is for their relationship.
She is also still thinking about a tomato.
-B
Love this sm
Loved the parts on aging and ....being a tomato:). Very insightful interviewee and well done Ms. Interviewer.