I wanted to share something more casual and candid to begin the summer (keep an eye out for a summer 2023 based piece coming soon). I realized today that it has been approximately three months since I began publishing on Substack, and it has been an interesting and enlightening experience thus far. I wanted to share a bit so that readers can understand why I publish, and the lovely and not so lovely parts of self-publishing on a platform for readers and writers. There has been a lot of internal conflict for me throughout this process, in a few ways which I’m going to summarize throughout this article. I hope you are able to take something away from it, and I would love to hear your thoughts and responses in the comments!
Right away, I was given options as to how to monetize my writing. As a college student in debt, I figured it would be worth a shot to give subscribers a paid option, with a bit more content. I began by publishing a few public pieces, and equally as many private pieces for exclusively paid readers to see. Since I could see email addresses I recognized paying to support my work, I knew it was mostly friends and family who were paying the monthly subscription to see my writing. I was, and am, incredibly grateful for this. However, it kind of ruined the purpose of what I meant to do when I started my Substack, which was sharing my art with a larger audience. Since then, I have made almost all my work public, and continue to post almost exclusively on public, or “free” mode. My mind goes back and forth about this a lot, because someday, I would love to have writing as a side gig. However, the pressure of writing to make money, or even feeling like my writing’s purpose is to gain wealth, has felt inherently strange to me. I felt this sense of guilt monetizing my work, and a betrayal to myself. Ever since I was young, I have wanted my poetry and prose to reach people I don’t know. To connect with strangers and tie together lives, rather than only catering to those I know. I think as I continue to grow my page and write more and more, I might change it up a little, but I’m happy with the way I am doing things for now. To those of you who have chosen a paid subscription, know that it means the world to me. My offer still stands to send you more poetry in attempts to express my immense gratitude, whenever you may need one. This is the first time I have made any money off my writing, and it’s kind of an insane feeling. I also realize a lot of my audience consists of college students and young adults, and our budgets are tight, so, thank you for being subscribed. I have so much love in my heart for each and every one of you, and hearing that you enjoy this newsletter is my fuel for continuing to put it out. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It feels so odd to advertise yourself, your own work- this is the first time I have ever really promoted something that is completely self-made, and I sort of can’t stand it. Selling yourself is not a good feeling, especially when it doesn’t feel like it’s paying off (even though there’s really no way to know for sure). The reason I began doing this is so hopefully, people would share the page, and it would cycle through different people until reaching friendly strangers who I could connect with through writing and art. I am still in the process of doing this, and constantly reminding myself that I am only three months into a project that I hope lasts multiple years. I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes.
I was a reader on Substack long before I became a Substack author, and I never paid much attention to the numbers. I’d read posts with three likes, seventeen likes, hundreds of likes, thousands of reposts. I never consciously judged or valued a piece of work less because it had less views or likes. However, now that I am writing on Substack, I feel much more emotion comes with the numbers. Substack isn’t shy about showing you all of your stats, every day- how many likes and views everything has, your subscribers or lack thereof, the gradual decrease in interest since lift-off. I tried to ignore the statistics for a while, and still do, because my writing and progress as an author individually has always mattered so much more to me, and I want my work and its character to still be the main priority. But when you’re posting and publishing work multiple times a week, it’s difficult not to obsess over the numbers. This has made writing feel like a much more pressurized process, so I have been trying to write with no real goal in mind. Writing to write, writing because I love it, because I am an author, regardless of the numbers. It takes conscious and frequent reminders to make myself believe it, though. I’m practicing every day, and hopefully one day, I’ll forget to check the numbers every day.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read this piece about my writing thoughts and anxieties. If you’d like to support my writing, the best thing you can do is engage with my posts by liking, commenting, or sending a post to someone who you think may enjoy it. If you don’t mind some poetry in your email, subscribe for free! If you’ve got some extra cash on you, subscribe not for free! Whatever you do, I am equally grateful that you are reading, and that you are here. Thank you for your support throughout the spring quarter of Bees&bela. I am sending you all eternal sunshine.
-B
Love this line-Writing to write, writing because I love it, because I am an author, regardless of the numbers.
You are an author. Always have been and always will be. I’m so very proud of you.
Thank you for sharing your words. I’m proud you’re continuing to publish even though it’s hard. Your open heart draws others in. ♥️