Spin in socks

A poem

You told me you always cheered loudest for the openers because everyone was louder for the main act

and you were excited for both

So I yelled and sang and danced for her last night

You told me I needed to write more, my loss of connection was not the nourishment you needed

I was scared to overwater you but darling, you’ve always loved to swim 

to blow bubbles in the bathtub

You told me you danced without following the rules, even though you were trained in classical ballet you preferred spinning in socks

I had forgotten how much I loved to spin in socks

You asked me why I was wearing headphones home alone

What if the neighbors hear?

They’ll knock and ask you to take off your shoes and they’ll dance with you

Your shoes will fall off and pile in the hallway as your feet grow

You ran in jeans and walked in the rain in dresses and rain boots, plastic flowers in your hair

Why should I trust you and your need to meander crosswalks and roll through grass, go to sleep itchy

Why would I believe you when you tell me it’s all going to work out 

when you didn’t even make it this far

I grew and sprinted from our roots while you stayed but you know I had to go

Jumping rope in the driveway and climbing ladders victoriously 

Holding hands in the grass and lying on the couch, your heart a bedtime anthem

Eternally in my mind

I’m so sorry I left you behind

You’re not alone though, not even close

I’ll still eat the leaves of the strawberries because you convinced me they tasted minty

I will move bugs from the walkway and I will always take off my shoes

I will spin in my socks

But I won’t pretend it is better without you around

I’ll write to you and hold you if you promise not to slip away

I do not want to let you down, but in the meantime, just stay

We’ll go to sleep early and dance the day away

and envy each other until we go our separate ways 

(A letter to my younger self)

-B