New name, new month

You are now on Bug's Eye, folks!

Lemons, May 2023

Exciting news- the name and logo of this newsletter has changed! Bees&bela never felt quite right to me, I came up with it on a whim and knew that there was something more fitting out there, something that I hadn’t thought of yet. I spent the past week and a half planning for and leading a new student trip for incoming freshman at my college. It was an enlightening, exhausting, exhilerating week with many takeaways, one of which was a nickname of mine becoming much more common- Bug. Most of the participants on the trip began calling me Bug, and even wrote Bug in their trip leader evaluations. I’ve always loved that nickname, and joked about legally changing my name because I love it so much. But, it’s more special this way, with just a few people knowing me by a name that feels so comfortable. Thus, Bug’s Eye was born! Of course, along with a new title, there also had to be a new logo, new profile picture, and a new website format, along with a fine-tuned newsletter, one which I feel much more comfortable in, and more connected to readers. I can’t believe it’s been almost six months since I started this newsletter- I remember frantically putting the pieces and parts together in my dorm bed on a March school night, hurrying so that I could get some sleep before class the next morning. Now, I have been able to take the time to revise what I created into something I am proud of and love, and nothing much feels as satisfying as that.

It’s September first, and I live in Portland once again. My second home is greener than I remember, smaller too. My new duvet is white, and I’ve already had to use a Tide pen on it once or twice. The wall above my head is covered in various letters, postcards, and collages I have collected and created over the years. The wall opposite is full of letters written to me by friends and family and my grandfather’s compass. The room is not messy, but it is cluttered. The more I seem to loathe materialism and attempt to get rid of things I don’t need, the more full my space becomes. There isn’t much rhyme or reason to it, but I’ve decided that I’m okay with a little clutter. Maybe minimalism isn’t for me- I think I may be too sentimental. I refuse to get rid of a single letter, or any trinket that even has a little bit of a story.

Just about every day for the past week, I have led meditations and journal prompts for groups of people. It has been empowering and one of the most meaningful experiences of my recent past. la;dyi wqidu (that was typed by my kitten, apparently she wanted to say a little something. Thank you Spoon!) At the beginning of the week, reflections on meditations were quiet, and journal sharing was sparse. Towards the end of the week, I asked the group to write love letters. Over half of them shared either an excerpt from their piece or explained what their piece was about, who it was to. It was an immensely vulnerable few minutes and I was so proud of all of them (but I kept it cool, as one does). Seeing them engage in and get a little something out of the meditations and journal prompts I spent hours formulating was more rewarding than I could have imagined. Watching someone grow and evolve is priceless, and I tried to soak it all in. I hope I can continue leading meditations, and creating a place of safety and tranquility for anyone who wants it, even if it’s just for a short time.

I’m currently sitting on the floor, eating some roasted peanuts from Trader Joe’s with my kitten laying on my legs. She’s falling asleep and precious and there’s no way I can write a poem as I intended to, as I refuse to move and risk waking her up to get my journal. So, I’ll share one from a while back instead.

From the hallway

There’s not much of a reason 

Nor is there any resonance of a rhyme 

As to why I still think that if we spent each evening together

We still wouldn’t be sick of each other

I hope one day my heart can teach my head

How to accept, how to forgive

I hope that one day, so much new love grows in my soul

that new sprouts turn my insides green, vines wrapped around my bones

Until every organ is strangled in an overwhelming empathy and passion for life

I hope one day, when we are food for the potato beetles and the aphids

We will learn to coexist, excluding animosity or revenge from little dictionaries 

I hope the importance of hanging onto compatibility will shine brighter than the need to remember an extinct touch

A fading taste, a dwindling smell

I hope thinking of you will become a mere lapse in judgment

And I hope eventually, I’ll be able to hope for things that are not as temporary as a false sense of love

or a torn security blanket

With the new name of the newsletter comes a new section, titled Sick Stuff! A list of five things I have been loving per recent. I hope to keep this going once a week, as I am always finding more and more links and stories and images to be inspired by, and would love someone else to feel their warmth along with me. So, without further ado…

1. Rewatching Gilmore Girls

   I do this every single year around the time school starts, and it literally never gets old. I usually don’t watch the whole thing, I just skip around to my favorite episodes as I basically have the entire show memorized by now. It’s bad when you know the lines by heart, but honestly fall does not feel complete without it. It’s not mind bending or spectacular, it’s just comfortable and cozy and sometimes that’s all you need.

   

2. 2000s tunes

   Something about early 2000s music has really been matching the vibe as of lately. It’s definitely not my main or normal genre, but I have been hyper-fixating on all the good tunes lately. They are just so perfect for belting in the car and dancing on the couch and listening to while you’re getting ready or in the shower or maybe just eating peanuts. My lengthy 2000s playlist is below.

3. Sounds Like A Cult with Amanda Montell & Isa Medina

   A podcast about modern day “cults” like greek life, reality TV, airline miles, Starbucks, veganism, and Goop. It makes me laugh but I have also learned so much from it, and it’s definetely become my favorite podcast to listen to when I’m not in a music mood. I also love Amanda and Isa, their personalities are wonderful and I would love to give them hugs. xo

4. This water sprayer thing

   This is a must for anyone with wavy/curly hair because we all know it’s so difficult to style your hair when it’s dry. I used to just dunk my head under the shower when I needed to style it in the morning (honestly I still do sometimes) but if you’re not feeling the full head dunk this is a wonderful alternative. It also has so many different purposes! I have used it to spray my kitten when she is doing something mischievous, as well as watering my succulents and spraying down surfaces before I clean them. A well spent six dollars (if you could find it somewhere other than Amazon it would be even better). Very versatile 10/10. It really is the little things sometimes

5. italian garbage on tik tok (@threeprongedplug)

   I love this woman. She just emanates good vibes and her outfits are impeccable and her confidence is infectious. I scrolled through her social media pages for over an hour today and it was time well spent, her Instagram is also amazing. If you see this italian garbage, you are an inspiration. xox

That’s a wrap on today’s newsletter! As always, there will be a link to share this newsletter below, and to subscribe. Free subscriptions and paid subscriptions are both so appreciated, and I also love hearing from you all. It is sometimes exhausting to keep this up, but your kind words keep me going (oh and also I really do love it). Have a beautiful weekend my friends.

Love,