Imaginary friend

A poem

When I was younger I had two imaginary friends

They kept me company and held my hands when I was lonely

I thought they loved me, until I stopped loving them 

When they left, I remember wondering if they were dead

Or if they just preferred someone else, if I had bored them 

I kept energy higher around my friends who I could touch

whose hands I could hold

Hair I could braid and cheeks to kiss

I hoped that if I loved them overtly, they would stay

My absence of touch or conversation would not scare them

but my empathy

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Overcompensation for ruminating sadness and worry

Spinning down the hall, a kid asked me if I was on drugs

Now I was too much, now there was no perfect in between

Now I burned them with rays of light or let them freeze all the way out

Wonder if they left because they saw me fail to cry the funeral

Or because I couldn’t laugh at their jokes for a week after

Now that they’re gone I spend more time alone

There’s space on either side of me while I walk at night

And I usually don’t finish popcorn at the movies 

I listen to music while I’m alone so my thoughts have company

like they always used to

-B