Being cool is impossible

The commodification and the fantasy of coolness

Hello everyone! I’m going back to Portland soon, and it was definitely intimidating to be there at first because I thought everyone around me was so much cooler. They had so much more confidence, and the outfits were impeccable, everywhere. I’ve always expressed myself through clothes, and for some reason when everyone else around me seemed to be doing the same thing, I felt more insecure in myself? This isn’t logical at all now, thinking about it, as it should have been exciting that so many people had the same methods of expression and creativity as me, but my newly moved into college self was pretty scared. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about what society deems as being a cool person, or even what I mean, what my friends mean, when we decide someone seems “cool,” and why we tend to envy that. The more I’ve thought about this concept, the clearer it has become that coolness is completely imaginary, and that we should be taking the power from that word and placing more confidence in ourselves and how we choose to present. Time for a bit of elaboration since this introduction has seemed a bit gloomy and vague!

Coolness is a concept that we have created completely on our own, in our own minds, usually adhering or at least connecting to society’s expectations and norms for us. For some people, it comes more naturally to adhere to the things we have decided are cool, and others either can’t, choose not to or just don’t care. The people who don’t care end up being the cool ones a lot of the time too, as our society which is a whole other essay. People try so hard to fit the concept of coolness we’ve invented by being an individual, and individuality has been commodified to the point that most people cannot physically or emotionally afford to match it all of the time. A lot of the time, I think of someone as being cool because of what their hobbies are, what they wear, what music they listen to, or how they act. But, I only think certain things are cool because I’ve been told they are, and the commodification and monetization of having to be “cool” to be confident can be immensely overwhelming. Sometimes, an item of clothing, an object, a style, an action becomes cool because someone who our society values highly is wearing it or participating in it, and their character is someone who we have been taught to emulate. Their lifestyle may be one that has been pushed on us, often due to cultural and gender norms, often neglecting the intersectionality of human beings. If we are told that we want something and that we should strive for it over and over, eventually, it becomes difficult to believe anything else. 

Of course, everyone has things they are drawn to, and I think that’s a beautiful concept. Artistically, stylistically, musically, we are diverse in our interests and our tastes, and what we think is desirable or respectable. It also makes sense to desire a certain appearance, because our whole world is determined by appearances, and we all learn that far too early and there is never a moment we are allowed to forget it. Women are told time and time again that our value is directly attached to how we look, and I still haven’t figured out how to completely escape that. Moral of the story is no one’s cool, some people are just good at experimenting with it. This is also very subjective, so feel free to take it and interpret it as you wish. 

Over the past year, I have met so many different people who radiate this concept of cool and who I want to be just like. But by now, I know that if I spend my time or my life trying to be someone else, no matter how spectacular or beautiful that person is, I will never be happy. Rather than trying to be someone outside of ourselves and fitting into a mold that another person has created based on how our society wants us to present, I believe that we should instead try to be mosaics of our own experiences. I don’t think there’s a bit of shame in taking little pieces of the people we have met, the places we have been, the experiences we have had, and making them our own. We grow with people as much as we grow independently, and it would be even more abnormal to never feel inspired by anyone around us. From now on, I’ll try to be a collage, a scrapbook, a mosaic. Energy is wasted on attempting to cling to what we are told we should grow up to be.

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Things to help remedy the Sunday scaries: making yourself a drink (no alcohol required, coke with lemon is amazing), journaling by hand, getting dressed in an outfit you feel confident in, spending time with your animals (or your friends’ if you don’t have any), walking to the store with a reusable bag, watching cat reels on Instagram targeted at millennials but actually for everyone, and watching Little Women (the one directed by Greta Gerwig).

Love ya! Have a good week!

Bee